By Steve A. Hamilton

Introduction:  Relationships are complicated and a relationship with a spouse is no different.  Conflict is inevitable in any marriage.  However, we can learn and practice the things that make for a good relationship.  After all, the better spouse we are, the more responsive the other spouse will be to our needs.  So what makes for a good spouse and a happy marriage?

I. Commit yourself to your spouse (Matt. 19:3-6).

          A. Remember you were joined together by God.

          B. Honor your vow as marriage is for life.  Things might get worse but you knew that before you decided to get married.

II. Control the tongue (Jas. 3:6; 1:19).

          A. Don’t let the day end in anger (Eph. 4:26-27).

          B. Be kind and forgiving (Eph. 4:31-32).

          C. Admit your wrong and ask forgiveness (Luke 17:3-4).

III. Don’t deprive one another sexually (1 Cor. 7:1-5).

          A. Be content with his/her love (Prov. 5:15-21).

          B. Live joyfully with your spouse (Eccl. 9:9). 

IV. Love and honor your spouse.

          A. Men (1 Pet. 3:7; Eph. 5:25-29). Note: prayers are hindered if one does not love and honor his spouse.

          B. Women (Titus 2:4; Eph. 5:33).

V. Wives submit to your husbands (Eph. 5:22-24); even if he is not a Christian (1 Pet. 3:1-2).

VI. Husbands, don’t provoke your children (Eph. 6:4).

VII. Avoid annoying and inconsiderate behavior.

          A. No one wants to be married to an angry, hateful or contentious person (Prov. 21:9 19; 30:21-23).   

          B. “He who troubles his own house will inherit the wind” (Prov. 11:29a).  In other words, life will be disappointing if your behavior troubles your home.

          C. Don’t reward evil for good (Prov. 17:13).  Often a spouse (usually the wife) decides to handle a bad situation in a godly way.  It might even be her hopes that by being better herself; her spouse will recognize the effort and respond in kind.  Unfortunately, the other spouse (usually the husband) doesn’t notice and rewards the effort with more inconsiderate behavior perhaps even taking advantage of the goodness.  Evil will not depart from that house!  

          D. Learn from your mistakes, don’t repeat them (Prov. 26:11).  A fool doesn’t recognize his annoying and inconsiderate behavior and thus continues in it.

Conclusion: All of these instructions will make for a good spouse and a happy marriage.  Ignore them if you want too but understand that you are accountable to God for your marriage relationship.  God has given us these instructions so we might learn to be good or even better spouses.

          Is your house troubled?  Have you failed to follow some of these instructions in your marriage?  If you have, I assure you your spouse already knows.  Please come and show your spouse that you value your relationship while making things right with God.

Last modified: 05/02/08